Hot Female Archers!

Movie Poster Viking Women

Yes, that’s what the email said. Here it is complete:
“I’m looking for hot female archers for a Viking Funeral segment I’m producing in San Francisco as part of an eco show for the Discovery Network. Women will be dressed in Viking costume and must shoot flaming arrows with great accuracy. Filming will occur in mid April.

If you know of anyone please have them contact me ASAP.

Danny Kon
Supervising Games Producer
Battleground Earth
Discovery Network
(c)(323)459-6605
(o)(310)623-4621 x9
==================
Even the perverts in the park don’t give me a second look, so I didn’t bother calling the guy. But the idea bothers me some. Why does the Discovery Network need “hot female archers”? Sounds more like the tagline Playboy would use while recruiting for their “Girls of Robin Hood” issue. Are the costumes going to be pure fantasy – fur lined bikinis for instance – or authentically dressed medieval Norse women? I’ve seen authentically costumed medieval Norse women, and the word “hot” doesn’t come to mind.

And though the concept of the female warrior is a popular fantasy theme, I’m not sure there’s a lot of scholarly history to back it up.

And who is going to supply the archery equipment? Personally, I’m not wild about exposing my own bow to arrows flambé. I’ve often wondered how people aim past the flame. And just how historically authentic is the flaming funerary ship? I always figured that this was a concept invented by Hollywood. Great visuals, not much scholarship. Here’s a question for the Mythbusters: Short of dousing the entire structure in gasoline, is it possible to set a ship afire with flaming arrows? And how do they keep the arrows aflame? Just a guess, but I’m thinking that the flame would be extinguished as soon as the arrow is launched.

If you’re a hot female archer and would like to answer some of these questions after calling Mr. Kon, please leave a comment.

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8 Responses

  1. I am a viking female you can see me on my facebook belinda lee ponting or belindaponting04@hotmail.com

  2. Beautiful cover!

  3. sorry im not a hot female archer but I can answer some of the questions here… flaming arrows are lit bye a tar mix and these are only used to set the chieftain funeral boat on fire. Yes it is accurate that they light the boat on fire as a funeral ceremony, and its not hard to hit a boat that would carry up to 32 grown men and the merchandise, food etc. and for the myth buster question; I don’t know if you have ever seen dried grass, but it burns very well, even without a few burning arrows you can set a hole forest on fire bye just dropping a cigarette or a bottle. And its even easier to set on fire if you have the grass pact together in a huge pile.
    you should check your sense of logic cause I fear that you might have a huge flaw there.

  4. Thank you for the response, Grey. Can you give a reference for the funeral ceremony?

    Also, are you saying that the female archers dressed in fur bikinis are historically accurate?

    I grew up in the southern California desert, and have close personal experience with dried, burning grass, and I admit that it would make a very good accelerate for the fire.

    • Hi again, Grey.

      Your silence leads me to believe that your knowledge of things Viking is in the category “Well, everybody knows …”

  5. yes indeed i can, check this site http://www.samfundetfornsed.se/ , its the “Swedish asa-belief” site, and yes i am a member of this group.

    no of cores not, were did you get that from? they wore dresses like all other women thous days, check some of the british/norwegan/swedish museum sites and there you can see it in detail.

    there you go, there’s no problem hitting a funeralship with one arrow, certainly not if you can hit a deer in the woods wile hunting. :P

    and i shod know these things sins i am Swedish and a worshipper of the old gods. is your disbelieves only based on your lack of competence to find sources? or do you have any findings in particular that supports your theory?

    one more thing, in the later viking age some of the ships was buried instead of burned, shod be easy enough to find in any Norwegian museum.

  6. The fact that your are Swedish and a worshiper of the old gods is irrelevant, and I will be happy to beat you in a competition of traditional archery any time.

    My complaint about the advertisement by Mr. Kon is that he represents medieval Viking archers as “hot females.”

    If you read the all three entries in this series, you’ll note that one woman was measured for an outfit that is “minimal and ridiculous.” And you have not supplied any reference to anything that supports the supposition that there were female warriors among medieval vikings.

    Therein lies the crux of my complaint. Thank you for the reference to your religious group, but it doesn’t help, and doesn’t prove anything. ‘Tis not I who is showing an incompetence at finding sources.

  7. There were many recorded times where women picked up arms and fought. It wasn’t the rule by any means, but sources do record Norse women as being a fairly boisterous and physical lot, if not exactly clad in chainmail bikinis. There’s a famous story from the Vinlander sagas where someone’s wife shames the men by picking up an axe and slaughtering a dozen Inuit.

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